tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
