I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
