let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
