if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
