addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my shit smells like andre
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
