Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
