My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
as a side note pls kill me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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