I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
