He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
