so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
