If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
