We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
