Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
