I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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