we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
