A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
