they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
