I just pynch a tree in the face
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
