I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
