I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
