I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
