god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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