Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
