It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
