Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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