Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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