Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
