He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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