Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
