I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
