if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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