Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
