You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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