if you like me you must not know who I am
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
