Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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