so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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