well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
