I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize