Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
