Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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