Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
