Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
