I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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