My nipple is on Facebook.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
