Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
