I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
