take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
