i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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