I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
