Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
