eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
