she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
