She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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