I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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