1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
