Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
