His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
