and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize