Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
