Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're my little dorito
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
