Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
