Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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