Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
