I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize