how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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