I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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