if only i could text you this smell
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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