Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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