i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
