he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Randomize
