the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize