guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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