its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
