I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
