I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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