we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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