she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
