I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
