So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
