Midget sex pt 2 tonight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
