Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize