I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i barfeds in our rink
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
