Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
