he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize