We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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