I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
