Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
