My first STD was from a foam party
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
