dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
