Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
