Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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