Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
