oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
