so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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