Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
