this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
