I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
