Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
