She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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