my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
