Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
