Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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