literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
