I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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