I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
