I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
