update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
